Understanding Grief Through Polyvagal Theory: How Trauma Impacts the Body and How to Heal
What is Polyvagal Theory? Understanding the Body’s Response to Grief
Grief can be one of the most overwhelming human experiences, impacting both the mind and body. Polyvagal Theory, developed by Dr. Stephen Porges, provides a neurobiological framework to understand how our nervous system reacts to trauma, including grief. This theory has become an essential tool in trauma therapy, offering insights into how we can heal by regulating our nervous system.
The Science Behind Polyvagal Theory: The Role of the Autonomic Nervous System (ANS)
Polyvagal Theory focuses on the autonomic nervous system (ANS)—the part of the nervous system responsible for regulating bodily functions like heart rate, digestion, and emotional responses. According to Dr. Porges, our ANS reacts in one of three ways:
Sympathetic Nervous System (Fight or Flight): Activated during danger or stress.
Ventral Vagal Pathway (Social Engagement): Promotes feelings of safety and connection, essential for emotional healing.
Dorsal Vagal Pathway (Shutdown or Freeze): Engaged in extreme stress, leading to a state of collapse or immobilization.
Understanding these systems is key to recognizing how grief can disrupt our emotional and physiological balance, triggering either hyperarousal (fight or flight) or hypoarousal (shutdown).
How Grief Affects the Nervous System: Grief as Trauma
From the perspective of Polyvagal Theory, grief is not just an emotional experience—it is also a physiological response. Losing a loved one can be perceived by our nervous system as a life-threatening event, especially since it disrupts our sense of safety and attachment. This leads to a neuroception of threat, where the body reacts in one of two ways:
Sympathetic activation (fight or flight)
Dorsal vagal activation (shutdown)
This automatic response is a defense mechanism, meant to protect us during overwhelming emotional events like loss. However, it can also hinder healing if not addressed properly.
Healing from Grief Using Polyvagal Theory
Polyvagal Theory offers effective tools for healing, especially in therapeutic settings. Here’s how the theory helps individuals navigate grief:
1. Creating a Safe Environment
The first step in healing from grief is to create a safe environment. According to Polyvagal Theory, safety is not just the absence of threat, but the presence of cues that signal safety. This can include:
Positive facial expressions
Calming voice tones
Physical gestures that convey warmth and support
In a safe environment, the ventral vagal system (social engagement system) is activated, helping the person feel connected and regulated. This is crucial for healing.
2. Neural Exercises for Self-Regulation
Once the person feels safe, they can engage in neural exercises to help regulate their nervous system. These exercises teach individuals how to move fluidly between different autonomic states—whether they need to rest (dorsal vagal) or take action (sympathetic).
These practices help individuals stay connected to their ventral vagal system during intense emotions, fostering emotional resilience. The goal is to help individuals maintain regulation even as they process grief.
Why Polyvagal Theory Is Crucial for Grief Support
Polyvagal Theory provides a fresh perspective on grief. Instead of viewing intense grief reactions as “abnormal,” it validates the body’s response to loss as a natural and adaptive process. Healing from grief is not about rushing the process, but about nourishing the body’s need for regulation and social connection.
By recognizing the physiological basis of grief, we can understand that feeling overwhelmed or disconnected is not only normal—it’s a biological response meant to protect us.
Grief, Trauma, and Attachment: How Early Experiences Shape Our Grieving Process
Our early attachment experiences shape how we respond to loss. If we’ve experienced early trauma or insecure attachments, we may have a dysregulated autonomic nervous system, making it more difficult to process grief in a balanced way. Understanding these patterns can help both therapists and grievers navigate the emotional terrain of loss more effectively.
Practical Steps for Healing: Co-Regulation and Neuroception of Safety
The key to healing from grief is restoring a sense of safety. Co-regulation between the therapist and the griever plays a critical role in this process. When a therapist embodies a regulated nervous system, it sends cues of safety to the griever’s nervous system, allowing the social engagement system to activate. This creates a feedback loop of safety and connection, essential for healing.
Conclusion: Restoring Balance After Loss
Polyvagal Theory offers a profound framework for understanding grief. By acknowledging the physiological responses to loss and creating safe spaces for healing, therapists and individuals can restore balance to the nervous system. With time, practice, and support, the body’s natural ability to self-regulate can be restored, enabling individuals to heal emotionally and physically.
By understanding how grief impacts the nervous system, we can adopt a more compassionate approach to the grieving process—one that honors the body’s need for connection, safety, and healing.